Ray’s Corner Soapbox – New Year’s Resolutions and Other Thoughts

Happy New Year everyone!!!  Hmmm, now that is a collective statement.  Do I really mean to wish a Happy New Year to everyone??  I really, really don’t think so.  Osama??  He could give us a happy year.  My ex that used superglue on all my levis forever sealing my pockets closed and then glued the fly down.  She finished the job by putting  thumbtacks in my shoes.  No, not her either.  So Happy New Year to a selective group of you.

Resolutions:

My wife suggested I write about resolutions and I told her I didn’t need any because when your perfect in every way, who needs to change???  I may write some later….maybe when my arm is out of the sling (again).

1. Procrastinating.  My wife says I have got to stop procrastinating.  Hey, the “pro” means I am for it.  We have a male cat that was crastinated a couple of years ago so he ain’t gonna give us no puppies.  She was in favor of it then.
2. Lose weight.  Ya, that’s always a good one.  I’ll cut down to only 5 pizzas and 3 cases of beer a week.  That should make someone happy.  Besides, the wife believes in recycling and this resolution is recycled from last year.  Maybe I’ll take action on it ……starting next week.  Maybe.  The last time I lost 5 pounds, I opened the closet and found it plus another 5.  Dang pounds just seem to multiply faster than rabbits.
3. Put up a new mail box.  Ya, right.  Just another object to put junk mail into.  The door fell off the box last week and hopefully now the junk mail and bills will get caught in the wind.  The envelopes can then hide in the bushes until they turn to mulch….see?  I do recycle.

I would have made more resolutions but I didn’t want to over burden the system.  Now Ray’s Thought of the Day (or week or month or….you get the picture).  My wife says I never get any thoughts (that count).  Why do we call this new year Two Thousand Ten.  Remember 1999 (nineteen-ninety-nine).  Why did we suddenly go from teen numbers to thousands.  What’s wrong with Twenty Ten??  Ya, I know it is the same but we changed format in mid-stream.  Who decided this?  Another mystery of life that will never be answered so to quote myself…….

That’s my story and I’m stickin’ to it.

(For submission on 12/31/2009)